Prayers of Anxiety & Vexation

Hannah was a woman in a tough spot. Barren, harassed and broken hearted, she was well acquainted with the deep pain of unanswered prayers. Year after year, she would come in great sadness before the Lord. She fasted and prayed and wept bitter tears but had yet to receive that which her heart most longed for.

In 1 Samuel 1:10 we see that "She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly." She made pleas and vows and bargains with the Almighty. So distraught and unhinged were her silent prayers that the priest thought her to be drunk, in the middle of the day and in the Temple, no less. His harsh confrontation brought about this response:

"No my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have been pouring out my soul before the LORD. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation."

1 Samuel 1: 15-16

Unlike Hannah, it has been a long time since I have poured out my soul before the Lord.

Oh, I pray. daily I bring my praise and petition before the Creator and offer my heart to him yet again. Daily, I lift my sanitized and holy sounding utterances to heaven and reaffirm my trust and faith in my Savior. I know that he know and sees all, but somehow I still feel compelled to sugar coat my anguish and present to him my nicely packaged prayers. I have never truly learned what it means to lament. To pour out my soul in bitter tears the way Hannah did. To speak out of my anxiety and vexation and to bare my heart, the raw and wounded parts of it, before my Father in Heaven.

I have been meeting with a Christian Counselor who lovingly told me that it is high time I learn how to lament. She pointed out my tendency to rush my heart quickly from a place of hardship to one of proclaiming that God is good and that I will trust him! But in my haste to escape the hard feelings that come with this hard life, I am missing the depths of mercy that God offers in the unraveling mess. I am missing the clarity that can come when I speak to him out of my anxiety and vexation. And I am missing the fullness of surrender that comes when I offer a heart of worship while acknowledging the painful weight of my daily trials.

These are all things that I am hoping to explore on the pages of this blog. I hope you will join me as I unpack my heart and maybe encourage you to unpack yours as well.

Because this I know, the Father Hands are strong enough to carry all of us and his ears are attentive to our cries.

I feel a little afraid of my own cries. A little unsure of what will flow from my heart. But also a little hopeful that there is healing and grace in the process.

Love,

Rohnda